Purify
by proudblueeyesthings
Summary: Emma has been in long term relationship with Neal, but lately things have been complicated between them. After meeting Killian Jones, she starts to question her relationship with Neal.
1. Chapter 1

I was walking towards my favorite coffee house this morning, desperate for a cup of coffee. Normally I didn't drink coffee, I'm more of hot chocolate type of girl, with whipped cream and some cinnamon on top, but the thing is my boyfriend Neal didn't let me sleep at all last night and not for a good reason. It has been a long time since I had a good night sleep because of him, lately he has been having a lot of nightmares, he was always stressed out and when he is like that we usually get into heated arguments. The reason that he was such in a bad mood is that a couple of months ago he decided that he didn't want to always rely on me to support him, so he decided to go back to school. Since then, he is so wrapped up by his assignment and studies that I barely see him, and when I do he is always in a unpleasant mood. Lately we've been fighting a lot, and last night wasn't an exception. So if I wanted to survive my day at work and I really needed a good dose of caffeine. Walking in the coffee shop, the cozy atmosphere, the smell of fresh coffee beans and warm pastries that just got out of the oven instantly had appeasing feeling. I arrived at the counter and I still haven't decided what I wanted, and since there was no one behind me in line, I took my time to make my choice. I finally turned to the barista to place my order.

"Hi, so I am going to have a…"

"Black coffee to go, please"

I turned around to have a look at the person who just cut me off. I faced a tall man with black hair, a beard that have just started to grow, a set of incredibly blue eyes that took my breath away. He was extremely attractive and I couldn't help myself to stare at him for a second. I finally shook my head and decided to tell him how rude he was for cutting in front of me.

"Excuse me buddy, but I don't know if you noticed but I was ordering here."

"Sorry lass, I thought that you haven't decided yet. If you desire I could make it up to you." he said with a thick Irish accent, his eyes roaming my body up and down.

"Seriously, you are flirting with me now, you are unebelievable!"

"Well that's what I've been told." he said with huge smirk on his face.

"Ugh, you're disgusting." I said rolling my eyes.

"Oh really now, is that why you couldn't help but checking me out before?" he said while the barista was giving him his cup of coffee.

"I was not checking you out!" I said in defensive tone, whilst crossing my arms to my chest "you just caught me by surprise, and you were being rude by cutting me off".

"Keep telling yourself that, love…" he said leaning towards me, invading my personal space, and with a seductive voice he said" I know I was."

He took a step back, grabbed his coffee and he turned around to face me one last time and he winked at me before leaving the coffee shop. I stood there with a shocked expression on my face, looking though the door where the attractive man exited. Finally, the barista brought me back to reality, by asking me what I wanted to order. I finally decided to have a large latte with a chocolate chip muffin, and I headed to work quickly forgetting my encounter with the infuriating (and handsome) Irish man.

I couldn't wait to get back home, I had a lot of difficult cases to handle and it drained all of energy that I had, which wasn't a lot to begin with. I worked as a social worker in a center for disadvantaged children and youth with a big array of problems, like the usual difficulties that comes of being a teenager, to kids being physically, mentally and sexually abused, teens with drug problem and so on. Today one of the young girls that I see regularly, burst into my office in a state of panic, telling me that her boyfriend had forced her to have intercourse with him and that now she was pregnant and that she didn't want her parents to find out because she was afraid of what they would do to her. I had to handle her crisis most of the day. I love my work, when I do even a small difference in a child, a teen or the parents life, it is the most rewarding feeling in the world and if that could help prevent those kids to endure what I had to endure as a child well my work is done. But sometimes I wonder how I could still have the will to do that job because every now and then I left work feeling discouraged, sad and frustrated. And today was one of those days.

I finally reached my building, climbing up the stairs to stairs to my apartment I couldn't wait to go lay down on my couch and relax. Entering the apartment, I could see Neal sitting at the dinning table typing furiously on his computer, with a stack of books scattered across the table.

"Still working on that assignment?" I asked him whilst taking my red leather jacket off my shoulders. He mumbled something without even looking up from his computer. Not surprised by his reaction, I walked towards the kitchen to start the kettle to make myself a tea, when I saw pile of dirty dishes in the sink I dropped my arms and let out a frustrated sigh.

"Seriously Neal, you stayed home all day to finish your assignment and you couldn't even take five minutes to clean up the dishes!"

" I told you I have to finish this today and then I have study for one of my other class, so no I didn't have time." He said in a harsh tone still not looking at me.

"Ugh, that is always your excuse. I know that you're swamped with all of you work, but you know you are not the only one living here. I come back from work every day exhausted, I do the cleaning, the supper and I pay the rent to help you out and you can't even do the fucking dishes!"

"Come on Emma, I really don't need this right now" Neal said finally lifting his head towards me with an annoyed look.

"Really! Well me neither, I am tired of having this goddamned argument every day and being your cleaning lady!" I couldn't help but to raise my voice, almost screaming. I was getting so frustrated and I could feel my cheeks turning red and I couldn't stay here and repeat the same routine every night so before he could answer I grabbed my jacket and stormed off.

The fresh air helped me cool down a little, but I couldn't help to feel irritated by my current situation with Neal. Determined to not let my friday night be ruined by my fight with Neal I decided to see the only person who could distract me from my problems. I texted Ruby and asked her if she wanted to grab a drink. She told me to met her at our usual spot in fifteen minutes. I walked for a couple of block and I finally arrived at my destination. Entering the crowded bar, i walked towards the counter and sat on one of the bar stools. I took my phone and decided to check my mails while wainting for Ruby. And then I heard from behind the bar a familiar accent.

"Well look who it is! Fancy seeing you here love."

You've got to be kidding me. I finally lift my head up and I was face to face with the obnoxious Irish that I've met this morning.


	2. Chapter 2

**_I'm doing a quick update because I'm going to be swamped for the rest of the week and I'm leaving town for the weekend! I'll try to update on monday. David and Mary-Margaret are going to be in the next chapter!_**

**_I hope you like this new chapter!_**

**_*please review, I really want to know what you guys think!_**

* * *

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Well lass, being behind the bar means that I work here, didn't you know that?" he said on the counter with both hands with a huge smirk.

"Ugh…" I said rolling my eyes.

"No need to sound too excited to see me."

"Yeah well, with the day that I had I could've passed seeing a arrogant guy like you" I replied.

"If the lady had such a horrible day, let me make it up to you by offering you a drink." the dark haired barman said whilst taking a glass and than pouring a golden liquid.

"I don't take drink from strangers buddy."

"In that case, let me introduce myself in an more appropriate manner" he said taking my hand "my name is Killian Jones, at your service" he than winked at me and place a soft kiss on the back of my hand. His lips were soft and gentle and I couldn't help the blush that spread across my cheeks. Thank god that the lights of the bar are dimmed, because I couldn't give him the satisfaction that his actions had any effect on me. I finally snapped out of it and decided to put as much distance that I can from him.

"Still not taking it!" I said and I got up and turned around ready to leave and find another seat when…

"EMMA!" said a brunette with hot red lips. "You're already here and I see that you've already met Killian." She says in an excited tone.

"Euh…yeah I guess" I said trying to avoid any eye contact with Killian, as I expected him to have one of his usual smirk on his gorgeous face _(get a grip Emma)_ now that he knew my name, thanks to Ruby.

"Emma and I were just getting acquainted, weren't we love?" he said winking at me. Oh god, did he really need to wink that much!

"Uh huh, yeah well…" I said glaring at him. " Ruby you want to go sit in our booth, I think we're going to be a little more comfortable than sitting at the bar." And as far away from Killian I thought. Beside the fact of being annoying, there was something about him that made me a little uncomfortable, especially since he touched my hand with his lips.

"Okay…" said Ruby has she was looking from me to Killian. "I'll see you later Killian."

"Of course, oh and Emma" I turned around to face him "don't forget to come back for that drink that I owe you!" said Killian. I looked at him with a forced smile and turned around and walked towards booth where Ruby was already sitting.

"What the hell was that back there?" exclaimed Ruby as we I was sitting down on our usual booth.

"What was what?" I responded pretending not knowing what she was talking about.

"You and Killian! You guys know each other?"

"Yes…no…well I kinda met him this morning. I was getting my morning coffee and he cut in front of me and I got mad, and he than had to go and flirt with me and be an ass." I said in hurry wanting to end this conversation as quickly as possible. Ruby couldn't help but laugh while imagining the scene.

"Killian is a big flirt, but I can tell that he likes you!" she responded.

"I got that. By the way how do YOU know him?"

We were interrupted by the waitress, we both gave her our order and left. I than looked at Ruby, eyebrow raised waiting for her to answer my question. She looked up at me with a huge smile.

"Two weeks ago while I was working at the restaurant, I met this guy Victor, and he is gorgeous by the way, and we kind of hit it off, we went on a couple of dates since. So last week we went out and I met a couple of his friends and it turns out that Killian is Victor's best friend." Ruby eyes sparkled when she was talking about her new guy Victor.

"So you like this Victor guy a lot don't you?" She couldn't help the blush that appeared on her cheeks and grinning while she nodded.

The waitress came back with our orders and paid for our drinks, and than we both took a sip of our beer. The cold beer going down in my throat was exactly what I needed, I could instantly feel my day brushing of my shoulders and felt much lighter.

"So what's new with you?" asked Ruby.

"Not much, work is going well as usual. It's not always easy you know, but I still like what I do." I said casually and taking my beer for another long sip.

"And with Neal? How are things?" she asked reluctantly, knowing that it was a delicate subject lately.

I licked the foam that got on my upper lip from my latest sip and sighed defeated.

"Still not good?" said Ruby with a concerned look.

"Nope, I feel like I don't even exist in his eyes anymore, and when I do he is always in a bad mood. It has been weeks since he touched me. It's like there was a huge brick wall between us." I said feeling tears blurring my vision.

"Do you still love him?"

"I don't know…"

"Do you know what you want to do?" Ruby inquired.

"I don't know." I tried to chase away the tears in my eyes, and looked around the bar. I couldn't help but to glance across the counter, and I noticed that Killian was pouring a pitcher while looking at me intently. I couldn't help but to smile at him, and he smiled back.


	3. Chapter 3

_**So I got the time to write and I'm happy that I can update before I leave tomorrow. So this chapter is longer than the others, I really tried to go deeper in Emma and Neal's relationship, and why it's not working. There isn't any Captain Swan moments sorry, but I'll make it up for guys in the next chapter, promise. David and Mary Margaret make a brief appearance.**_

* * *

I woke up this morning with a huge headache, regretting immediately the amount of alcohol I ingested the previous night. After talking about Neal with Ruby she decided that it was her duty to put me in a good mood, it is the reason why I texted her last night, Ruby always knew how to cheer me up. She started to talk about her work and customers she sometimes had, some with special and odd requests for their food. The restaurant used to be her grandmothers, when she decided to retire she decided to give the business to Ruby, and she did a marvellous work. She managed to pull a modern twist to it while keeping the same cozy atmosphere.

After a while, Ruby decided to order some shots and we got to reminisce our time in high school, remembering the times we were up to no good. A couple of pints and shots later, we decided to leave. Ruby dragged me to Killian's bar insisting that we go say goodbye. The fact that it was a Friday night didn't crossed Ruby's mind, because when we arrived at his side of the bar, it was packed by a bunch of girls giggling and eyeing Killian, fighting for his attention. And of course he was flirting his way around. Why was I not surprise. Telling Ruby that he wouldn't miss us, she finally agreed that we leave. Once we got outside, we hugged and went our separate ways.

I turned around in my bed and noticed that Neal wasn't lying next to me. He probably got up and went to his computer…like usual. I looked at my alarm clock, and it was only 9:20, I never understood why every time I went to bed late and drunk I always slept 4-5 hours max. I decided to get up, and I went to bathroom. I was horrified at the sight I caught in the mirror, my hair all tangled with knots and the mascara that I forgot to take off before going to bed made me look like a panda, and not a cute one. I brushed my hair and pulled it into a ponytail, washed my face and went into the kitchen to grab some water and make myself a hot chocolate. When I arrived in the kitchen, there was a note from Neal lying on the kitchen counter.

"_Went to the library, be back by 4"_

His note shouldn't surprise me, but I couldn't helped to be annoyed and sad by his note. Not wanting to start my day depressed and angry, I made some hot chocolate (with whipped cream and cinnamon of course) and pancakes. I went into the living room with my breakfast and decided to watch some television; I went on Netflix and decided to watch a movie. Without even noticing it, I fell asleep and I woke by the sound of my phone ringing. I picked it up and looked at the caller ID, cleared my throat and answered.

"Hi Mary Margaret. " I said trying to sound awake.

"Hi Emma! Are you still on for tonight? David and I can't wait to see you guys." She said with her usual gentle voice.

"Oh, it's tonight! Umm sure, no problem. What time are you guys going to be here?"

"Emma, if you forgot it's okay we can postpone if you want." Said Mary Margaret trying not to sound too disappointed.

"No really it's fine. It's been awhile since we saw each other, and I really want to see you guys." I insisted.

"Great, how about 7?"

"Perfect, see you then."

I looked at the time on my phone and realised it was already 3 o'clock. I texted Neal to remind him that David and Mary Margaret were coming tonight for supper. I decided to clean up the apartment and then I went to take a shower. When I finished, I went to put a fresh pair of jeans, and a black top. As I was leaving the bedroom, Neal was coming back from the library.

"Hey…" said Neal looking pitiful.

"Hey" I responded crossing my arms over my chest, still mad at him.

"Look, I'm sorry about last night and my attitude lately. I know that I haven't been a great boyfriend, that I haven't been around and that every time we see each other I'm in an awful mood." He said in an apologetic tone.

I didn't reply, I just kept looking at him, my mouth in a thin line. When he saw that I wasn't responding, he took a step forward without looking at me, opening and closing his mouth not knowing how to continue. He finally decided to lift his eyes up.

"I know that you're angry, I get it. But it's hard to go back to school after so long and really don't want mess things up. I'm doing this for us!" he said pleading.

"Look I'm happy that you decided to do something for yourself and stop having crappy jobs, but right now you are not doing us any favours." I said raising my voice. "I'm so tired to clean up after you, to attend your every need! What about me? My work is so depressing sometimes and the only thing that I want is to come home and have my boyfriend take care of me. You know, have the supper ready or at least having the dishes washed! Am I asking to much?" I vociferate.

Neal slouched, looking at his feet.

"No, it isn't." he said barely whispering that I almost didn't heard his answer. "Look, I really want to make things better, okay? I'm gonna try to help around the apartment, not take my stress out on you and be more present. Make time for us, for you. What do you say?" he begged.

I didn't know what to say. He said what I wanted to hear, promising to help, to be in a better mood, to be there for me, us. He did seem to want to make things better. But I couldn't help myself to think that it wasn't going to last, that it was an empty promise. But I had to give him chance, right?

"Fine" I replied defeated. I just wanted things to go back the way they were. But a voice deep down told me that they weren't. I pushed back that thought because I needed this to work with Neal, I was afraid that if it didn't work out, that I couldn't handle being heartbroken and left alone again, if he left me. I shook my head chasing those ideas. I looked up at Neal, in a attempt to lighten the mood, I cast him a small smile and he took me in his arms and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. It was the first time in a long time that he was affectionate, and it was nice.

"Do you want to help with the supper?" I said looking up at him.

"Sure" he answered smiling.

* * *

At 7 o'clock, there was a knock on the door and David and Mary Margaret didn't wait for an answer and they let themselves in with a bottle of red wine in hand. I went to greet them; Mary-Margaret pulled me into an affectionate hug, while David and Neal were greeting each other patting themselves on the back.

The evening was pleasant, it has been a long time since I saw my friends, and thought that we didn't do this enough. David and Mary-Margaret were one of my closest friends (with Ruby of course) and I considered them as family. I met David while I was in college, he was majoring in criminology, and we both had a psychology class together. On the first day of class we were already given a team assignment, and David who was sitting next to me, asked if I wanted to work with him. Something about him made me feel like he was a good guy, that I could trust him. And I was right, I considered and treated him like a brother and he treated me like a sister. I met Mary-Margaret through David, they are high school sweethearts and they are still madly in love with each other. Their love is so pure, so deep and they trust each other so blindingly that I couldn't help myself to envy them because I knew that my relationship with Neal wasn't and is never going to level with theirs.

Even though I loved Neal, I never felt that I could trust him with the entirety of my heart, because I couldn't afford to get hurt again. Not giving myself entirely to him ensured me to have this sort of protection from him, from pain. Lately I wasn't so sure that it really worked. Since our discussion earlier today, Neal really tried to make it up to me, but I couldn't help but feel this awkwardness between us. While we were making supper together he tried to make me laugh, to be affectionate but something felt off, like it wasn't _us_ anymore.

After finishing our second bottle of wine, David and Mary Margaret started to look at each other nervously.

"Do we tell them?" David asked Mary Margaret. She nodded and fidgeted on her seat. Clearing her throat, she turned her gaze towards us.

"We have some big news to announce, …" she started to say while a small smile appeared on her face. "We are engaged!" she said while showing us the ring on her left hand. A small silver circular band with a small diamond in the middle. Simple and sophisticated, just like her.

My eyes went wide and I couldn't help but exclaim my happiness by shouting a little. "Congratulations! I'm so happy for you guys!" I got up from my chair and went around the table to give David and Mary Margaret a hug.

"Congratulations man." Expressed Neal, while he gave the blond man a one armed hug. "So when is the bachelor party so we can go wild!" said Neal jokingly.

I couldn't help put to roll my eyes, and be disgusted by his comment. Before I could get myself completely annoyed by his comment, the newly engaged brunette caught my attention by touching my arm.

"Emma, I was wondering if you would like to be my maid of honour?" she asked shyly.

"Yeah, of… of course" I replied completely dumbfounded. She couldn't help but to jump a little, clearly happy by my response.

"Thank you so much!" she said excited.

"By the way, we are having an engagement party next Saturday so be sure to clear your evening, we want both of you there." Said David whilst pointing his finger at us attempting to look menacing.

I couldn't but chuckle and nodded. "Don't worry, I wouldn't miss it for the world."

* * *

_**So next chapter is the engagement party, I'm probably I going to update on Monday since I have the day off.**_

_**Reviews are always appreciated! Enjoy!**_


	4. Chapter 4

**_Hi guys! I don't know what you guys thought about last night episode but i thought it was awesome! I absolutely loved the apartmen scene! Anyway, here is the new chapter! Enjoy!_ **

* * *

I went to The Red Wolf, Ruby's restaurant, to help her prepare her restaurant for the engagement party for this evening. Ruby closed her restaurant from her regular clientele to let Mary Margaret and David have their party here. We started to put some decorations around the place to make look a little nicer. I was up on a latter to hang the banner that congratulated the couple, while Ruby held the latter so it wouldn't move.

"You look in a better mood than last week?" said Ruby.

I looked down at her and smiled. "Yeah, I guess. Neal and I talked the day after we saw each other. He said that he was going to make it up to me, and make things better."

I finished with one end of the banner, and climbed down to go on the other side of the wall to hang the other end.

"And?" inquired Ruby.

"He is making an effort. I mean I came back every night this week and the apartment was still in order, and he welcomed me with a smile which is something considering the last few weeks." I said finishing installing the banner.

When I was back down, Ruby looked me in the eyes with a serious and concerned look. "Do you think it will last?"

I was taking aback with her question, because it is the same one I kept asking myself and that I was trying to ignore.

"I…I don't know…maybe…I hope so." I said with an unsure tone.

"I hope so too. I mean it's a good sign that he is making an effort." She said trying to sound optimistic. "Is he coming tonight?"

I nodded. "He might come a little bit late, he wanted to finish an assignment before so he could had fun tonight without worrying with school stuff."

Ruby smiled. "Well, I think we're done with the decorations!" she said looking around with her hands on her hips. "How about we go get change and make ourselves look pretty now?" I chuckled and followed Ruby to her apartment, which happens to be just on top of the restaurant.

* * *

I was hurrying myself to finish curling my hair to go back down at the restaurant; the guests had already started to arrive. Ruby had already finished and went to greet everybody with David and Mary Margaret. I looked at myself on the mirror one last time and I was pretty satisfied with my look. I've decided to put a pink reddish dress, with a pair of black high heels. I also applied a thin black line over my eyelids and a little bit of mascara. I left my stuff in Ruby's bedroom and went downstairs towards the restaurant.

I barely knew any of the people coming in the restaurant. After I greeted the happy couple I went to the bar to have a drink alone hoping Neal would arrive soon so I would have someone to talk to, since Ruby, David and Mary Margaret would be pretty busy mingling all evening. The people arriving were all acquaintances of David and Mary Margaret, from high school, college, work and of course their families.

I only knew David's mother, when we were in college David invited me for all the holidays, as I didn't have any family to go back to. She was always very kind and warm, she treated me like one of her own child, and she even said to me once that I was the daughter she never had, the thought of that statement always overwhelmed since I never had a family who really wanted me. When I saw her walk in I was relieved to see someone I knew, and I went to greet her.

"Hi Ruth"

"Emma darling" she said opening her arms to pull me in a tight hug. "You look gorgeous, as always." she said with a motherly smile. "How are you?"

"Oh…well thank you" I said shyly. "Um I'm good. How about you? You must be very proud and happy that David is now engaged!"

"I'm always so proud of him, and I'm very happy for them, he couldn't have chosen a better woman to spend the rest of his life with."

"That's for sure." I said smiling and taking a sip of my drink.

"How about you? When are you and Neal going to get married?"

I really wasn't expecting this question and the sip that I took got stuck in my throat and I couldn't help but to choke a little. I tried to get my bearings back before answering.

"Uh, well not now for sure. Neal went back to school a couple of months back, so after that we'll see."

"Oh, I see" she said looking a little disappointed.

I knew she always wanted me to have a happy ending, when I started dating Neal she was so ecstatic. I suddenly felt uncomfortable by the turn of the conversation; marriage and Neal weren't something that I put together in a same sentence or thought. When Ruby arrived to greet Ruth, I was relieved.

"Hey Ruth! David and Mary Margaret are over there if you want to congratulate them in person" said Ruby while pointing in their direction.

"Thank you sweetie, I'll see you later Emma." Said Ruth while squeezing my hand lightly.

When I turned around to face Ruby, she had huge grin on her face and looked way too excited.

"…What?" I said with a worried look, knowing that she had something in mind.

"There's someone I want you to meet" she grabbed my hand and pulled me to the other side of the restaurant. She stopped in front of a blond man.

"Emma, this is Victor, …" she said as she grabbed his arm. "Victor this is my best friend Emma."

"Nice to meet you, Emma. I've heard a lot of things about you, and not only from Ruby." He said with a smile while he took a huge sip of his drink.

"Really?" I asked confused. "Who from?" The second I finished my sentence, my question was answered by a lilted voice behind me.

"Hello beautiful."

I turned around and there was Killian with one of his usual smirk plastered on his face. I couldn't help but to stare at him for a second or two. He was wearing a dark pair of blue jeans and a black-buttoned shirt that brought out the blue of his eyes. He had the first couple of buttons of his shirt undone so I could see his chest hair, his necklaces resting comfortably in the middle of the V from his shirt. I would be lying if I said he didn't look absolutely gorgeous and hot. I chastise myself for thinking that.

"What the hell are you doing here, Jones?" I said trying to sound annoyed by his presence.

"It warms my heart to see how happy you are to see me, love." He said while putting one of his hands on his heart in a dramatic manner.

I turned my head in Ruby's direction so I could glare at her for not warning me that he would be here. Seeing that Ruby and Victor disappeared into the crowd, I turned back around towards Killian, and without me noticing it, he had stepped in closer, so close that I could feel the heat from his body caress mine. My heart started to beat a little faster, not knowing why his proximity affected me so much. _Who are you kidding, you know why._

"As you may be aware, Victor is my friend, and Ruby invited him here tonight. He knew that he wouldn't know anybody here, so he asked me if I could accompany him. I couldn't say no, especially if I knew that I could see you here, since last time we saw each other you didn't came by to get the drink that I offered. " He said looking at me.

"Even if I wanted that drink, it would've been impossible for me to get it, since you were preoccupied seducing the girls who were gawking at you." I replied.

"Oh, are you jealous love?" he said in a playful tone.

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "In your dreams."

He laughed, and then his hand went to play with one of my curls while eyes traveled my body. I could feel myself blush and felt my heart beating like a hammer. He then place the lock of hair behind my ear. He lowered his mouth to my ear feeling his breath on me.

"I must say you look absolutely gorgeous tonight love." He said in deep low voice. Leaning back, he winked at me. _Really!_ I wanted to reply something but the words got stuck in my throat. As I was about to say something, I was suddenly interrupted by a voice, which brought me out of this haze.

"Hey babe!" I turned around and saw Neal walking towards me and I distance myself from Killian. When he arrived in front of us, Neal pulled me in his arms and gave me a kiss. I saw Killian fidgeting with his hands in his pockets and his eyes looking anywhere but us.

"Hey" I said in raspy voice, and then cleared my throat. "Um, Neal this is Killian, Killian this is my boyfriend Neal." God this was awkward I thought.

"Do you want to go greet David and Mary Margaret?"

"Yeah, let's go." said Neal staring at Killian while he grabbed me by the waist in a possessive way.

"See you later Jones." I said looking at him one last time before we left. With his hands in his pocket, and while looking at me with an intense gaze, he just nodded.

As we were walking to the other side of the restaurant where our friends were, Neal interrogated me about the dark haired man.

"So who is this guy?" he asked in slightly jealous tone.

"He's the best friend of Ruby's new boyfriend." I replied quickly. "Did you finish everything you wanted to do?" I said changing the subject, I really didn't want to keep talking about this man.

"Yeah, I did" he said in a cold voice. Was he jealous? I mean Killian means nothing to me. _So why do you get all nervous when he was flirting with you. Ugh shut up brain!_

When we arrived towards our friends, I went directly to Ruby and grabbed her by the elbow, I hushed at her.

"Why did you leave me alone with Jones? He started to flirt with me and Neal arrived and it was awkward as hell!"

"Why would it be awkward, I mean you keep saying that Killian is an ass, and that he annoys you." She asked with a confused look.

"Because he was flirting with me and Neal saw that, and now he's acting jealous!"

"Well, maybe he will now pay more attention to you if he now saw that a hot guy just flirted with you." She said with huge smile and a wink. She then went back to Victor side.

I just stood there, not knowing what to think. I went back to Neal's side, while he was talking to David, I could feel someone staring at me and I couldn't help to look around and I saw Killian at the bar leaning on one arm while taking a sip of his drink watching me. _God I need a drink. _

* * *

After the supper, the tables were removed to create a dance floor. The music got a little louder and there was a small group who got the hint and moved towards the empty area to dance. I didn't feel like dancing and I stayed at the bar with Neal. There was an awkward silence between us, well not more than usual. Even if things got better this last week, I still felt like there was something missing between us. Neal looked bored and he kept looking at his phone. After awhile, his phone announced that he got a message, he looked at it and then put the phone back in his pocket.

"If you don't mind Emma, I'm gonna go. I have a couple of friends from school that at a sports bar not far from here, I'm gonna go and join them. You wanna come?"

"Come on, it's the engagement party of two of my closest friends!" I said irritated.

"Yeah I know but it's your friends not mine and it's boring as hell. Look I stayed for supper so I did my part. If you wanna stay then stay. I'll see you at home"

He gave me a peck on the cheek and left. I couldn't believe what just happened, I turned around to go sit in one of the bar stools and waited for the barman to come and order my drink, because I really needed to drink now. When I finally came to my side I ordered a glass of whiskey. When I got my drink I took a huge sip, I felt the liquid burning down my throat. That's just what I needed. I then felt someone sit next to me.

"Trouble in paradise love?" I didn't even have to look up to know who it was.

"What gave you that idea?" Finally turning my stare from my drink to him.

"Well, you are sitting here alone with drink in hand, a bitter look in your eyes. And I just saw your charming boyfriend leave the place." He stated.

I gulped the rest of my drink and slammed the glass on the counter.

"Aren't you perceptive." I said looking at the empty glass.

"Well I'd say that you are more than an open book." he said while signalling the barman.

"Oh really!" I said raising my eyebrow. "So tell me, why I'm upset?"

"A bottle of rum and two glasses." He said to the barman and then redirected his attention to me. "Well I'd say that things aren't going to well for you two seeing the lovely dynamic that you two had this evening. He looked completely bored and decided to leave instead of staying with you here and take care of you. And with the look on your face I'd say that it is a regular occurrence."

His sparkling blue eyes were seeing right through me. I wanted to say something, but nothing came. I just looked down defeated. The bottle of rum arrived with two glasses; Killian poured the golden liquid in each glass. He took one and raised it, waiting for me to do the same. When I did, he opened his mouth again.

"Don't let him get you down love. Let's enjoy the rest of the evening while we can."

He than tapped his glass with mine and took sip. I couldn't help but to stare at him. He was right; I can let Neal get me down every time he does something I don't like, so I emptied the content of my glass, and refilled my glass and Killian's.

"Okay." Now tapping my glass with his.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Wow! I want to thank you guys for following my story and I want to thank MissRuthless for the lovely review, it warms my heart to read comments like that!**_

_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

I stayed at the bar with Killian and we drank a good amount of the bottle of rum. When Killian wasn't flirting his company was enjoyable. After taking a sip of his drink, his gaze went from his drink to me, with an embarrassed look on his face. I settle my drink on the counter and turned around to look at him with one of my eyebrows raised.

"What is it Jones?"

He looked at me with a shy smile; clearing his throat he shifted his position so he could face me.

"I want to apologise for my attitude." I couldn't help but to look at him with a confused look. Seeing that I didn't understand, he went on. "For the flirting, if I knew you had a boyfriend I wouldn't have flirted that much."

I laughed. "Really? You would have stop flirting? Why do I doubt that." I said taking a sip.

"Yes, I would have. It's bad form to pursue a woman who is already taken." He justified.

"Oh so you are a gentleman now!" I said with a playful smile.

"Love, I'm always a gentleman" he said with a smirk.

We looked at each other and then started to laugh until our cheeks hurt. Yeah… we definitely drank too much. When the muscles of my cheeks finally decided to calm down, I looked at him.

"Don't apologise, even though you're obnoxious, it's nice to have someone flirt with me, to feel desirable. I mean my boyfriend doesn't seem to find me to his liking anymore so… I mean I haven't felt desired for weeks now." I never said those words to anybody, not even to Ruby and it hurt to finally hear these thoughts out loud. I saw on the corner of my eye that Killian was biting his lower lip and his jaw clenched before he opened his mouth again.

"Well in that case I'm not going to stop, because you are bloody brilliant, beautiful, amazing an funny and you should be reminded of that." He said looking at me with such intensity, his stare was so serious and it made me self-conscious. I looked at my empty glass and I could feel my mouth go dry and my cheeks burn and this time not from the alcohol.

Trying to appease the tension I grabbed the bottle of rum to pour some more into my glass. At the same time, Victor arrived and tapped Killian on his back.

"Hey mate, what are you doing here? Come join the party, we're sitting over there." He said while pointing at the table where Ruby, David and Mary Margaret were talking. Thinking that it was better for me not be alone with Killian anymore, I stood up, grabbed my glass, and went to where Victor was pointing. Killian took his glass and the bottle and with Victor, they followed me to the table.

For the rest of the evening I tried to avoid Killian, his last words still dancing around in my head made me feel giddy, or maybe it was the alcohol that made feel this way, I tried to rationalize. _No it was his words, stop denying that you kinda like him._ I shook my head trying to drive those thoughts out of my head.

When most of the guests had left, and there was only our little group remaining, I decided that it was also my turn to leave. I congratulate the couple one last time, giving them hug, and said goodbye to the rest. Just when I left the building, I felt someone at my side. I whirled around and I saw that it was Killian.

"What are you doing Jones?" I asked trying to sound indifferent to his presence.

"I want to walk you home" He stated.

"I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself." I said and I walked away from him but I was stopped as he grabbed my arm.

"I'm sure you can, but it's late and you had a lot to drink. It would be bad form to let a lady walk alone in that state, don't you think?"

"Fine." I said exasperated.

We walked the whole way to my apartment in silence only hearing the sound of our footsteps. When we arrived at my building I turned around to face him.

"Um…so thank you." I said awkwardly. As I was about to enter the building, I was stopped by Killian's lilted voice.

"Did I do something to offend you?" He asked in worried voice.

"No, why?"

He scratched the back of his head while looking the asphalt. Finally lifting his gaze towards me, he spoke.

"Well I don't know, we were having a good time, and suddenly you shot me down bringing those walls of yours up." He sounded upset and confused.

"Look, I'm tired and I want to sleep. Goodnight Jones."

Before he could stop me again I went inside the building and I climbed the stairs to my apartment. Entering my place, I took off my shoes relieving my feet from the atrocious angle that I made them go through tonight. I went to kitchen to grab a glass of water and leaned my back on the kitchen counter. I was deep in thought, reliving everything that happened tonight with Killian trying to figure why I felt the way I did when he was around me. _You know why you just won't admit it._

"Emma?" said a sleepy voice. Then Neal appeared in the kitchen doorframe. I just looked back at him.

"Did you just come back from the party?"

I didn't feel like talking so I just nodded.

"You didn't answer any of my texts."

"I left my phone at Ruby's place, so I wouldn't carry it all night." That's when I realized that I forgot all of my stuff including my phone over there. _Shit. _I would have to go back tomorrow to get my stuff.

"You know it was getting late and I was worried." He said in a concerned voice.

"Yeah well, it was my best friends party and I wanted to have fun with them. Maybe you wouldn't have worried that much if you would just had stayed with me." I left my spot in the kitchen and went to my bedroom slamming my door.

* * *

I tried to open my eyes, but the task was very demanding and I could feel my heart pounding in my head. I finally had the courage to fully open my eyes and the light coming through the thin white curtains blinded me. I sat down on my bed, took a long sip of the glass of water that was resting on my night table. I stood up and went to the bathroom trying to make myself presentable.

As I walked in the kitchen, I saw that Neal was making breakfast. He turned around and had an apologetic smile on his face.

"Hey" he simply said.

"Hey"

"Look, I'm sorry. I was an ass last night, and I should have stayed with you."

"Yeah, you should have!" I spat. "Why were you so bored anyway? You like David, and you don't have a problem hanging out with my friends usually."

He looked unease and started fidgeting. He scratched of his neck before answering.

"Yeah I do, I mean he is a stand up guy. But the thing is I was mad at you and kind of jealous." He said clearly ashamed of what he just said.

I looked at him confound. "Why were you mad at me? And jealous? What the hell?"

"Look, when I arrived at the restaurant there was this guy who was clearly flirting with and you seemed to enjoy it, and I got mad at you!" he said raising his voice.

"Well maybe I wouldn't enjoy it that much if you just paid attention to me once in awhile." I vociferated. I pinched the bridge of my nose, feeling a headache coming. "Look, I really need to get my stuff that I left at Ruby's. Let's talk later okay?"

"Sure, whatever." He said annoyed.

I grabbed my jacket and left. The cold morning air appeased the pain in my head. As I walked towards the Red Wolf, I couldn't stop thinking about Killian and what he said to me the previous and I couldn't help the smile that appeared on my face.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Hi guys! Thanks again for all the reviews and to all the new followers :) :)  
**_

_**So here is the new chapter. Enjoy!**_

* * *

I knocked on Ruby's door, and waited for her to get the door. I could hear her walk around the apartment.

"Just a second" she screamed from the other side.

Suddenly the door opened, Ruby was still in her pyjamas with her hair in high bun. She had a surprised look on her face.

"Hey Emma, what are you doing here?"

"I forgot my stuff last night." I said with shy smile.

"Oh right! You left it here." She looked a little uncomfortable and she kept looking backwards. "Um, come in."

"Is it a bad time? I can come back later if you want?"

Just when she was about to respond, I heard a male voice coming from the bathroom.

"Rubs, do you have a spare toothbrush I can use?" said Victor whilst coming out from the bathroom with only a towel covering him from the waist down. "Oh hi Emma" He said stopping suddenly.

I completely forgot that she might spend the night with Victor, now I knew why she felt an uncomfortable. I just nodded at Victor avoiding to look at him.

"Look I'll come back later." I said as I was preparing to leave.

"Don't mind me, we were going to have breakfast. Do you want to join us?" asked the blond man.

"Uh…" I looked at Ruby and she had a huge smile on her face. "Okay."

"Great! You have to make your famous pancakes than!" said Ruby

We went to the kitchen and I started to make the pancakes while Ruby was preparing coffee and Victor went to get dressed.

"So you had fun last night?" Ruby asked as she went to set the table.

"Yeah, I did." I said as I was remembering the fun I had with Killian at the bar, which made me smile. Of course Ruby saw that and she came to my side to tease me with her elbow.

"Is that smile caused by an handsome Irish man with a set of stunning blue eyes?" she asked teasingly.

I started to blush and I was mad that I couldn't hide it. "Why would you think that?"

"Well, your stupid boyfriend left early and you were no fun the whole time he was around. And after you drank half a bottle of rum with Killian, you couldn't stop smiling and laughing." She said with a proud smile.

I looked at my friend with wide eyes. I didn't know what to say to defend myself, I started to open my mouth to try and refute but didn't come up with nothing, so I closed my mouth. Ruby clearly taking that action as a victory.

"Mmmm…those pancakes smell good!" said Victor rubbing his hands, ready to eat.

Ruby glanced at me with look that said that we would finish our conversation later. _Great._

* * *

We ate breakfast talking a little bit of everything. I finally got the chance to get to know Victor better, last night there were a lot of distraction and I hadn't had the chance to really talk to him. I learned that he was finishing his studies in medicine, and that he spent a lot of time in Ireland when he was a teenager to visit his family over there. That's when he met Killian, they have been friends since. The second his name was mentioned in the conversation, I started to feel awkward. _Why is everything come back to him lately?_

"You know he likes you a lot." said Victor before taking bite of pancake, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Who? Killian?" I asked surprise.

"Yeah, I can tell by the way he looked at you last night. It has been a long time since I saw that look on him, well since his last girlfriend really." He said finishing his pancakes. " He flirts a lot but its all an act, trust me."

I didn't know what to respond to that so I just stared at my cup of coffee. Did he really like me; I mean we barely know each other. He has been really nice with me last night, comforting me after Neal left but that doesn't mean that he cares for me. Maybe he felt responsible for the way things went with Neal because he openly flirted with me in front of him so that's why he came to see me. _But he didn't know he was your boyfriend._ Even so he flirted with me and Victor did say that it was an act so it isn't serious.

Suddenly, Victor was standing up and saying thank you, which interrupted my train of thoughts. He went to kiss Ruby, said goodbye and left. I helped Ruby clean up and we went to sit on her couch. I pulled one of my legs under me, and propped one of my arms on the back on the couch so I could face Ruby properly.

"I really like him you know" I said to my friend. "He seems to treat you well, and you look really happy."

Her smile was radiating, she was clearly happy. For second I kind of envied her, I miss that feeling I use to have with Neal, that just the mere thought of him could make me feel like I had butterflies in my stomach. _But there is someone else who does that to you. _

"Well now it's turn."

"My turn to what?" I asked confused.

"To be happy." She stated with soft and gentle look. "Can I ask you a question Emma?"

"Sure." I feared what she was going to say, because I knew it would be all the questions and thoughts that I refused to acknowledge, that I have been burying for the past weeks deep inside my head.

"Why are you still with Neal? He doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated, he keeps making promises that he doesn't keep and you always end up wounded."

I looked down and started to play with the hem of my shirt. Finally I gained the courage to look at Ruby. "I think that deep down I still love him, we've been together for five years now. I think I owe it to us to try and resolve our problem." I tried justifying.

"Look it's okay that you want to try and settle things between you guys, but it's not normal that it is always you who does the efforts. He acts like he doesn't care and he takes you for granted." She said with worried look.

I started to feel the tears slowly drowning my eyes. I knew what Ruby just said was true; it's what I kept telling myself for weeks now, but that I refused to see.

"But I'm afraid to." I couldn't stop the crack in my voice, and the tear that went down my cheek. She came closer and took me in her arms.

"I know you are, but you can't keep making yourself miserable for him."

She was right, if I want to be happy again things need to change with Neal. I cried for what seems like hours while Ruby tried to chase my tears away by caressing my hair. It felt good to finally let those emotions out.

* * *

Late in the afternoon I finally went back home with the bag that I went to retrieve in the first place. The whole way back my eyes were still swollen and red from the tears that I shed. My head felt numb but I knew that I had to discuss with Neal the moment I go back.

When I entered the apartment, Neal was sitting on the couch watching TV. I dropped my bag in the hallway, took my jacket off and my boots slowly trying draw out the inevitable discussion. I finally went to sit on the couch next to him. We watched the TV for a while without talking or looking at each other, like if we both knew what was coming and that we were dreading it. I ultimately gained the courage to talk first.

"We need to talk."

* * *

_**I hope you liked this chapter! So what do you guys think Emma will say to Neal? Will she try and attempt to save their relationship or will they break up?  
**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Hi guys! Sorry for the small delay, I had a difficult time starting this chapter as I was rewriting it constantly. So here is the TALK between Emma and Neal. Still no Killian in this chapter sorry! He will be back don't worry ;) I don't know how many more chapters I am going to write, when i started this story i wanted to write around 8-10 chapters, but I've got a feeling that it's going to be a little bit longer!**_

_**Thanks again for all the reviews, I really enjoy reading them! And thanks to all the followers and to those of favorited the story! **_

_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

Neal turned around to face me with a serious look in his eyes.

"Yeah, I think we do." He took the remote and closed the TV, and placed himself so we could face each other properly.

I didn't know where to start, there are so many things I want to say but it's a mess in my head. I still didn't know what I wanted, to make things work or leave him. I decided just break the ice and see where this would lead.

"I'm not happy, I haven't been in a while now and I'm exhausted trying to make things work. I just don't have the energy anymore to continue doing this." I paused, inhaling deeply to gain some courage to continue. "I feel like you are just with me because we have been together for a long time, but that you don't want me anymore." He was looking at me with sadness in his eyes. "I still love you, I think I always will but... I can't go on like this! Something has to change. I don't know how or what but it has to. We could find a way to make things better if we can finally be honest with each other." I said as my voice started to tremble, my eyes filled with salty water.

He was looking at his hands, as they were playing with the remote, he seemed thoughtful. "I'm not happy either you know." He said finally looking at me. "You know going back to school isn't easy, I'm always swamped, worried that I won't make the deadlines, I can't sleep properly, afraid that I'm not good enough for this. But there was always something that kept me going, you. I kept telling myself that I'm doing this for you, us, so we can build a better future for us. I know that I don't handle the pressure well and I take it all on you, and I feel awful about it, and lately I feel like I'm losing you and it scares me." He paused; I could see he was gaining the courage for what he was going to say the next. "It's not because I don't want you because I do, but you're not helping either." He stopped looking at me, as he was expecting for me to reply. When I didn't, he continued. "You ask me to pay more attention to you, to take care of you, and I tried but the second there's something that it isn't like you want it, you attack. It makes me feel as if that everything I do is never good enough for you. I can't go on feeling as if I'm always a burden for you."

I didn't respond, I didn't know what to think. Is it true? Was I really such an unconsidered _bitch_? Maybe, I do tend to speak my mind when things aren't the way I want them to be, even if sometimes I should just shut my mouth. It is one of the reasons I had so many foster home, they didn't want a kid who talked back to them. Perhaps, that's why Neal couldn't take it anymore and that's why he started to act the way he have been, because he felt unappreciated. What a mess. We both felt rejected, unwanted, and we kept asking one another to give more attention and affection when we can't even do that for the other.

After a moment of silence, Neal decided to speak again. "But despite all that, I still love you like crazy, but like you said I think we have to start to be honest with each other."

I could sense the way this discussion was heading, and I couldn't hold back my sorrow anymore, and tears starting to fall on my cheeks.

"I love you, but this, _us_, is too much for me to handle...so I think it's better if we stop trying to convince each other to stay together and make ourselves miserable and go our separate ways."

There it was. Neal finally had the courage to say the things that we were both denying for so long now. My heart tightened, feeling it shatter into a millions of little pieces. I can't believe it's happening. _Again_. I kept thinking that here was another person who couldn't handle me, another person who was leaving me. The tears that had started to spill earlier were now descending in a heavy flow.

I wasn't looking at Neal, but I could sense that he was waiting an answer from me. I couldn't look at him, too distraught from the turn of events. I decided to just nod, a sign of my approval from his wishes. "Okay then." He said barely audible.

He got up from the couch, and cleared his throat. "I've already packed a bag, I'm going to stay at a friends house in the time being. I'll come back later this week to get the rest of my stuff."

"Okay" I said, my voice unrecognisable. My mouth was dry and it was difficult for me to speak with this lump I had down my throat.

"Hey" he said in a reassuring voice, kneeling down in front of me. He placed his hands on either side head, stroking his thumb on my cheeks attempting to chase my tears away. "We had a good run together you know, we had fun, and we loved each other, but I think this is better for the both of us." He leaned in, and kissed me one last time. My lips didn't respond to his action, they stayed in a thin line.

I stayed there sitting on the couch not able to move. He got up, took his things and walked through the door. The second he left, I started to cry my eyes out. After awhile, I obtained enough courage to take my phone and texts the two persons I wanted to see right now.

* * *

Mary Margaret and Ruby didn't knock; they just walked through the door in hurry. When they saw me lying on the couch with a pillow tucked in my arms, with my eyes red and swollen, they sat me upright and they hugged me. I was overwhelmed by all these emotions, and seeing my friends come to comfort me, I started to cry again, but this time no tears came because I've shed everything that I had in me.

"What happened?" finally asked Mary Margaret in a worried voice.

"It's over…Neal left." I said barely above a whisper.

I laid my head on Mary Margaret thighs as she stroked my hair, while Ruby was caressing my back. I knew know that at least these two will never leave me.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Hi guys! So this chapter is a longer than anticipated, I hope you like! Oh and Killian is back!  
**_

_**I don't know when I'll be able to update because I have a pretty intense week waiting for me at work. I'll try to update Tuesday but I can't promise anything!**_

_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

It has been two weeks now that Neal decided to end our relationship. For the first time since we were together we have been honest towards each other, saying how we felt instead of arguing. And because of that I had decided that I wanted to give it one last try, but it turns out the he couldn't handle our relationship anymore so he decided to put an end to it. Even though I have doubted staying with him, it still hurt like hell being dumped.

The days that followed our separation, I buried myself at work, doing overtime, taking extra cases, anything that could make me stop feeling so miserable and abandoned. The fact that I stayed late at work was good, because when he decided to come get his things at our (_my_) apartment, I wasn't there to see him. When I arrived home that night I couldn't stop the tears that slipped when I saw that his things were missing, every closet, drawer, and bookcase were now half empty. I cried until my head felt numb and fell asleep on the couch. After that incident, I went home every night so exhausted from work that I couldn't even think properly, which helped me sleep since I couldn't ponder on my new living situation.

Today it was Thursday and I was planning on staying late has usual, so I went to see my superior to see if there was a new case that I could take or at least some paperwork that I could help with. I arrived at his office and I knocked on his door even though it was already open.

"Hey Graham" I said with a shy smile. He was typing on his computer. "I was wondering if there's something that I could help you with."

He lifted his head and looked at me, and his face had a concerned look.

"Not today Emma."

"Oh okay, well I'm going to ask someone else if they need help with something." As I was turning around, Graham's voice interrupted me.

"Emma wait!" I whirled around and he was standing up from his chair. "Sit down, I want to talk to you." He said as he was gesturing the chair in front of his desk. We both sat down and I started to feel worried, _did I do something wrong?_

"Is everything okay?" he asked bluntly. My eyes widen at his question.

"Yes" I responded unconvincingly.

"Really? I mean you have been overworking, and to be honest you look like hell. If you go on like this you are going to wear yourself out. So tell me what's wrong."

I didn't know what to answer, I stayed at work to escape my problems and now Graham decided to shove it up my face. I really didn't want to talk about it. His gaze was intense, pleading me to say something.

"Neal and I broke up." I finally blurted.

"Oh…I'm sorry." I knew that coming from him it was genuine. After a long pause he opened his mouth again. "You know that you can't run from this forever. You are going to have to deal with it sooner or later."

"I know, but right now I just can't."

"But you can't stay here and work yourself to death. I can't let you do that, so now you are going home, and you're taking tomorrow off." He said in a commanding voice.

"What! No! Come on Graham, I'm fine, I don't mind working late. I need this, please." I begged. I couldn't deal with the mess in my life right now.

"I'm sorry. Call a friend, go grab a drink I don't know, but anything else is better than staying here and work until you're exhausted. See you Monday." He said as he returning to his keyboard, ending the discussion.

I got up from the chair defeated. What was I going to do now; I really didn't want to go back home. I texted Ruby but she was busy with Victor, I texted Mary Margaret and David and they couldn't either because they were swamped making plans for their wedding. _Great_.

I decided to walk a little and without even noticing it I arrived at The Rabbit Hole. I could use a drink; it can help me forget that's for sure. I entered and went for the bar to order a whiskey. As I was waiting for my drink, I looked around the place and there were not a lot of people tonight. My eyes wandered around and they stopped at the back door when I saw a familiar face with dark hair, blue eyes and stubble on his face coming out from the door. His gaze landed on me and he grinned. He walked in my direction and stopped in front of me. He was wearing a pair of dark blue jeans and a pleated shirt; he was so near me I could smell his manly scent, which tickled me deep in my belly. _Damn it, I completely forgot that he worked here_.

"Hello love, what brings you here?" He asked.

"I needed a drink" I simply replied.

"You don't need to find a reason to come and see me love." And he winked and I rolled my eyes.

"Don't flatter yourself Jones, I forgot that you worked here that's all." I said taking my drink. "By the way, aren't you supposed to be behind the counter?"

"I finished my shift early since it's pretty calm tonight, so I'm off for the night."

"Okay." I simply answered taking my drink for a sip.

"I have one of my mates that has a band playing tonight." He started to shift nervously. "You want to come? Unless you've got plans with your boyfriend."

I settled my drink on the counter, and I fixed my gaze on it. I could go with him; it would be a good distraction, just what I needed. _But it will mean being alone with him._ Still, it could be worse, being alone at home thinking about what went wrong with Neal. I finally looked at him.

"Sure, I can come."

"Your boyfriend isn't going to be worried if you go out with another man. Giving his reaction the last time I saw you."

"Don't worry." I drank the rest of my whiskey in one gulp, slammed the glass on the counter, and I grabbed my scarf and my jacket. "Let's go."

* * *

We walked for a couple of blocks, having a mild conversation, heading towards the place where his friend played. The building looked kind of shady, and there were a few people outside near the entrance having a smoke. When we arrived inside, Killian dragged me to the coat check. I took my coat off and Killian grabbed it so he could give to the girl working behind the little counter. As I went to take my scarf off my neck, it got stuck in one of my earrings.

"Ouch…." I shouted. Killian turned around to see if I was okay.

"Are you okay?" he asked with a worried frown.

"Yeah, it's just…ouch…my scarf is stuck in my earring." I said trying to free myself, but it was really tangled.

"Let me help you love." He stepped in front of me, leaning his head towards my ear, trying to untwine my scarf. I could feel his hot breath brushing my face and his warm fingers caressing my ear and the side of my neck. I couldn't stop the shiver that went through my body as he was freeing me from the piece of cloth. When he succeeded, his gaze went from my neck to my eyes. I could feel his deep blue eyes burning through my skull. After what felt like hours, I stepped back looking away from him. I gave my goddamned scarf to the girl working the coat check, and I cleared my throat.

"So…" I managed to say. "What kind of music does your friend play?"

He took a step back, scratching the back of his neck. "Rock music. They perform their own composition and a couple of covers." He extended his arm towards the hall that led to small auditorium. "Shall we."

I nodded and I started to walk in the direction his arm was pointing. When we arrived in the big space where the show was being held, there was a crowd scattered in front of the scene. I was examining the place while Killian went to grab us a beer. When he came back he placed his hand on the small of my back and guided me through the crowd so we could have a decent view of the stage. We drank our beer in silence, waiting for the show to start.

Suddenly, four guys appeared on stage and they each grabbed their respective instruments. The front man greeted the crowd and then started to pluck the strings of his guitar, the rest of the band following him seconds later. The music was good and lively and I couldn't help myself but to lightly shake my head to the rhythm of their songs. After 45 minutes there was an interlude, it was convenient since I really needed to use the bathroom.

"I'll be back." I said as I leaned into Killian's ear. _Smelling his scent in the process._

I went at the back of the place where there was neon sign indicating the women's bathroom. There were graffiti all over the walls of the bathroom stall, and empty beer bottles on the sink. After washing my hands, I walked back towards the front of the scene where Killian was.

While I was strolling through the crowd, I heard a familiar laugh. I glanced around and found the source of the laughter. There was Neal flirting with a brunette with heavy make up and a tight red dress and high heels. He was talking into her ear and lightly stroking her hair. It felt like I was just punched right in the stomach. I couldn't stop looking at the scene that was taking place right before my eyes.

"Ah, there you are love!" said a lilted voice. I finally was able to drift my stare from the flirting pair to Killian. "I was getting worried, I thought you lost yourself coming back from the…" he stopped when he saw the look on my face. "Are you okay?" He asked concerned and putting his warm hand on my shoulder.

"Uh… yeah…I'm fine. Look thanks for tonight, but I'm gonna head home." I blurted. I needed to get the hell out of here. _Now_. I went to get my coat and I almost ran through the exit door. When I arrived outside, I dropped my hands on my knees and tried to breathe. _What hell is going on with me! Breathe_!

Killian joined me outside a couple of seconds later with a confused look.

"What the hell just happened?" He inquired.

I finally got my breathing under control and I leaned back. "Nothing." I said trying to sound casual, which I'm sure I didn't.

He took a few steps towards me, searching my eyes. "That was not nothing, darling. You had this look on your face, as if you saw a ghost."

I stood there, staring at him with a broken look. I was debating internally if I should tell him or no.

I could feel a lump pressuring my throat. "I saw my boyfriend… actually my _**ex**_-boyfriend, flirting with a girl." I said barely audible.

"Fuck!" he blurted in shocked voice. "I'm sorry, I really am." He took another couple of step and took me in his arms. His embrace was caring, comforting; my hands went to his back so I could hold myself on him. I placed my face in the crook of his neck and felt a tear subside. He placed his hand on my hair and started to caress it while his mouth whispered in my ear. "You want me to take you home?" I was still pressed on his chest, when I nodded. We finally broke apart, and he took my hand leading the way towards my place.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Hi guys! Sorry for the delay, but I was swamped at work and i came home everyday completely drained. I hope you guys like this chapter even if it isn't very long!**_  
**_ Let me know what you guys think, reviews are always fun to read :)  
_**

**_Enjoy!_**

* * *

The walk towards my apartment was quiet, and Killian's presence was comforting. While we were walking he asked me if I wanted to talk about my break-up with Neal but I refused, after that we walked in silence.

I was so caught up in what I saw earlier, that I haven't realised that we were walking holding hands and I could feel myself getting stiff at the realisation. He must have sensed the change in my demeanour because he let go of my hand. Losing the warmth of his skin, I tucked my hands in the pockets of my coat, the rest of the walk slightly awkward.

When we arrived to my building we both stopped and stood facing each other a little uncomfortable. I didn't know what to say to him besides thank you. Should I invite him in or just say goodbye and go inside alone._ Alone_. I really didn't want to be alone, I know that I would just start to brew over whatever was back there with Neal and that bimbo and just the thought of that gave me a headache. Just when I was about to decide on what I should do, Killian cleared his throat before breaking the ice.

"So…" he said as he was scratching behind his ear. "I guess this it."

I just nodded; I didn't know what to say except thank him.

"Thank you." I said finally able to say the words out. He looked back at me with a questioning look. "For tonight, and for walking me home."

I saw a grin emerge on his face. "Well love, I did tell you once that I was gentlemen, didn't I?"

I couldn't stop the smile that rose on my face. "Yeah you did."

Killian began to shift and open is mouth, ready to say something, probably goodnight, but I spoke before he could voice anything.

"Do you want to come inside, have a drink?" I blurted out. I could feel heat rising on my cheeks when I realised what I just asked him. _Did I really just ask him that?_

He looked startled by my demand; his eyes had widened for a second and his mouth slightly open. He finally seemed to regain his composure.

"If the lady insists." Was his answer, I rolled my eyes as usual, and we went inside.

When we arrived in my apartment, I told him to make himself at home and I went to the kitchen to grab two glasses and a bottle of whiskey and went to join him in the living room. Killian was standing in front of my DVD collection, browsing through it.

"Quite the collection you have here Swan." He said as he turned around to grab the drink I was handing him.

"Yeah well, after an exhausting day at work, it's always nice to watch a movie to help me decompress."

"Indeed it is." He stated. We finally sat on the couch, and we both remained silent, sipping our drink. I was trying to find something to say, but Killian was faster.

"So what is your line of work?" He inquired.

"I'm a social worker, I work in this center downtown."

"Really? What kind of situations do you handle?"

"I primarily work with young children and teenagers. Some of them have been through really difficult stuff, which they should never deal to begin with, losing their innocence way to young."

"Like what, if it's not too much to ask."

"Well, some of them are abandoned and some abused in every kind of way possible." I said briefly, not wanting to get into too much detail, afraid that I would reveal too much of my past, because I just knew that he would sense that some of these things did happen to me. I could feel Killian staring at me intensely, feeling a bit exposed I started fiddle with the rim of my glass.

"What made you choose this profession?" he asked as he moves his glass back to his lips, his stare still oriented at me. _Fuck_. And there was the question I was hoping he didn't ask. I could lie to him, but he would know that because he can see right through me. I could change the subject. _And make things more awkward I thought._ Or I could just tell him, partially. I decided to refill our glasses before answering. After I gulped half of my drink, I finally gained the courage to respond his question.

"I didn't have an easy childhood, I have felt abandoned, rejected, unwanted for the most part of my life. If I haven't met Ruby when I was in high school I don't know where I would be now. I had found someone who helped me get through most of my issues, and I'm so grateful for that. So if I can help, even just a little, the life of those kids and help them regain a little faith, I think it's a start." I didn't tell him the whole story but I still felt like I was on display. I drank the rest of my drink to try and shake that feeling.

"Well lass, I think that what you do it's pretty amazing. I know what it is to lose faith, and I could have used some guidance when I was a bit younger." He confessed, and my eyes went to meet his. There was this look in his sparkling blue eyes, truthfulness and understanding. His gaze made me feel warm inside and less alone as if he really did know what it felt like. _Could it be that someone he cared in his life also abandoned him?_

I suddenly realised that we were sitting very close to each other, our knees touching, and I felt myself lean towards him, slowly feeling the warmth radiating from his body. I stood still for a moment when I felt his lips inches for mine; I finally tilted my head and closed the small distance that was separating our lips. We both didn't move for a second, savouring the contact when Killian started to respond by opening his mouth slightly so he could capture my lower lip between his and cupping the back of my head with one of his hands. Both of my hands went to grab the front of his pleated buttoned shirt, trying to pull him closer. It wasn't long before Killian tipped his head to the side so he could deepen the kiss. I felt dizzy and drunk from his taste, his scent and his touch. After a while our lips detached from one on other, our foreheads resting together as we were panting, trying to get our breathing under control. I was trying to wrap my mind on what just happened and started to feel the panic slowly rise inside me. Killian was the first to regain the ability to speak.

"That was…" he started to say still panting.

"… a one time thing." I said as I released my grasp on Killian's shirt and got up trying to get as much distance from him as I realized what just happened. His gaze followed my movements and I could see the disconcert look that he had. "I think it's better if you leave now." I glance back at him with a cold stare.

"I…" he started to say as he got up, taking aback with the turn of events. I cut him off before he could day anything else.

"Please." I simply replied. I grabbed his coat and gave it to him. Killian took it and walked towards the door, as his hand went for the doorknob, he looked over his shoulder on last time.

"Goodnight, Emma." The door opened, and all of a sudden, I was alone in my apartment. I slumped back down on my couch, resting my elbows on my knees, my hands supporting my head. _What the fuck just happened._


	10. Chapter 10

_**Hi guys! I want to thank to all the new followers, to those who favorited my story, and to those who left reviews, it warms my heart to see that you enjoy my fic!  
**_

_**So this is the longest chapter that I have ever written! I decided to add in this chapter Killian's POV, it's not long but I would probably write more of his POV in the next chapter, I don't know yet, depends if you guys like it, so please tell me what you think. The rest is all Emma's. I'm not quite satisfied with the ending, but I was tired of finding a good ending so there it is! **_

_**Also I had to bump the rating, for mature themes so...**_

_**Reviews are always appreciated, I love reading them ;)**_  
_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

_What the bloody hell just happened?_ I kept thinking as I left Emma's building. I really didn't understand what happened, why she reacted that way when she realised that we kissed. We were talking; she was finally starting to open up to me when she was talking about her childhood, some things she said that I could really relate to. She had been hurt as badly as I've been; I guess it's the reason that could read her so well. I don't know why, but I couldn't stop myself of thinking that we are alike in some way, as if we were kindred spirits.

The first time that I saw Emma in that coffee shop, I thought that she was absolutely gorgeous, feisty and she had a fast quip. I liked to flirt with her and overdo it, just to get a rise from her. I couldn't help myself; she is so bloody beautiful when she gets irritated. When I discovered that she had a boyfriend, I decided that I should back down since it is bad form to seek after a woman who is already involved with someone. I watched the way this Neal guy was acting with her all evening, and the way she looked, sad, miserable and self-conscious around him as he ignored her. I didn't like the way he treated her and she seemed to be devastated sitting at the bar alone after he left the restaurant. I decided to go talk to her, try and cheer her up. We ended up talking, laughing, and having a bloody good time together drinking a bottle of rum. I realised that I loved seeing Emma smile and laugh and that I wished to be the one responsible for those joyful expressions. The evening was going well until I told her that I wouldn't stop flirting with her because she deserved to be reminded how wonderful she was, because her boyfriend clearly seemed to have forgotten.

After that moment she retreated back, hiding herself behind those thick high walls that she had built. Every time I thought that I could see past those barriers, that there was a tiny little crack that let me peek through it, she withdrew herself and close herself to me even more. Like she did tonight after sharing a part of herself and indulging herself in a kiss. I started to care too much for that woman to just give up, I'm certainly not the one to back down from a challenge, and I knew that she is a one hell of challenge.

As I was walking in the cold night air, I decided to go back to the bar where my friend's band played tonight; it might help me clear my head a little, from a certain attractive blonde with lovely green eyes.

I finally arrived at my destination, hoping that they were still there. When I entered the building I directly went to the bar, if the guys were still here, that's where they'll be.

"Ah there is the front man of the Merry Men!" I said as I tapped Robin on his back.

"Hey mate! Where have you been? I thought you said you were going the be here for the show."

"I was for the first part, but I had some matters to attend to so I had to leave." I said evasively.

"Is this have to do with a feisty blonde?" said Victor appearing between Robin and I.

"Uh…" feeling ill at ease I started to scratch the back of my ear. "…maybe." I said with shy smile.

"Who is this woman?" asked Robin in a gossiping tone.

"Emma Swan, she's Ruby's best friend, and this guy as it bad for her." Explained Victor as he gestured his hand towards me.

"I…" I was trying to find the words to render my take on the situation, but I was interrupted by the sound of my mates howling at me. I decided to ignore them by ordering a beer and wait till they change the subject, which didn't take long.

We spent the rest of the night talking and drinking, and as usual Robin challenged to a game of foosball, which I won as usual. After a while, the guys slowly left one by one until there was Victor, Robin and me sitting with half a pitcher on the table.

"So, is it true that you have fallen for this Swan girl?" asked Robin curiously.

"Perhaps." I simply responded. They both glance at me with a look that insisted for me to elaborate.

"The thing is that she isn't an easy woman to court, but I like her very much, and I want to see her again to see where things might lead." I didn't want to develop my feelings and thoughts about her any further until I knew myself where it was heading.

"Well, I think that I speak for the both of us…" said Robin looking at Victor, "when I say that we are happy that you are finally moving on from Milah. I know that it hasn't been easy for you to forget what happened, but it's nice to see that you want to be happy again."

At the mention of Milah's I couldn't help but feel my chest tightened, the pain of her loss still fresh, even if it has been 2 years now. But they were right; Emma did made me want to move on, there was something about her that made me want to find happiness again, with her by my side. It is the reason why I can't let myself back down from her withdrawal, I need to fight for her, so she knows that I won't abandon her, the way she has been before.

* * *

I woke up this morning on my couch with the TV still on. After what happened with Killian last night, I couldn't stop myself but ruminate about the events that occurred at the bar and in my apartment so I decided to watch TV until exhaustion. I mean I really didn't expect to see Neal at the show, especially flirting with another girl. I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt, was it so easy to get over me? Did our relationship meant nothing to him? I felt so betrayed, but at the same time, we weren't together anymore, he could do whatever he wanted to. I mean if something happened with that girl, who am I to talk, I kissed Killian. _Oh my god, Killian._ The other person who filled my head with unanswered questions. I really didn't know what got into me to initiate that kiss. _That amazing kiss. _I mean we bonded, and it felt good to have someone who seemed to genuinely know what it was to be abandoned, so maybe that was it. It wasn't because I found him attractive, funny and smart. No, it's just because I felt good, that's it, nothing else._ Liar_. I couldn't afford myself to feel something towards him, because first of all he is womanizer and it would end up with me with my heart broken, and lastly, I just can't afford myself to be broken over someone yet again and be left alone.

I stood up from my couch, and decided to do something to forget these two men. I started to clean up the place, and halfway through I decided to change my furniture around in my living room. When I was finally satisfied with the new disposition, I went to do the same to my bedroom. Maybe a new color on the walls would be a good change too. I decided to take a shower and than go to the hardware store to buy some painting material and some colors.

It's a good project to keep my mind off things until I go back to work on Monday. I spent my Friday evening and my Saturday painting my apartment whilst listening to loud music, dancing and singing. It felt good to do something productive, release some tension by changing the look of my place, brushing aside all memories of Neal.

As I was applying a second coat of light grey in my bedroom, my phone rang. I dropped off my brush, and went to get my phone.

"Hello."

"Hey Emma!" said the carefree voice at the end of the line and I instantly recognize who it was.

"Hey Ruby, someone is in a good mood!"

"Always! So I'm calling to ask you what are your plans tomorrow?"

"I've got nothing planned why?" I replied as I put my phone between my ear and my shoulder, and taking the brush to finish the work on my wall.

"Perfect, so you are joining me and Mary Margaret for brunch, and then we are going to start shopping for bridesmaid dresses!"

"Oh!... okay." I answered a little startled at the already laid out plan. But to think of it, it's good; I mean I needed something to distract me from those two idiots invading my thoughts for one more day.

"So 11 at Eggsquisite, is that good for you?"

"Yup, great. So see you tomorrow." I simply answered. After hanging up the phone, I returned to my initial task, and I finally finished it late at night. After cleaning up the all the tools that used, I went to open a couple of windows to let the strong odour of acrylic paint out. I was completely spent and the only thing that I wanted was to go to sleep, but I had some light grey and blue all over my hair, skin and clothes so I opted for a shower first.

After drying my hair with a towel and slipping into a clean white tank top and panties I was finally ready to go to bed and sleep. I curled into my sheets and instantly felt my body relax, my eyelids felt heavy and I quickly found sleep.

* * *

_I could feel my body getting warmer and warmer, and I felt this tingling feeling deep down in my belly getting stronger as his hands caressed my curves, his mouth gently nipping my lower lip. Slowly his mouth started to wander a little lower, laying down open mouth kisses across my neck and then moving on to my collarbone. I could feel this shot of desire going straight to my core, as he continue his work on my neck and slowly descending to my chest, one of his hands caressing one of my breast as the other went to caress my backside. I couldn't stop my mouth to open slightly and let a low moan escape as his scruff burned my skin. My hands went to grab his stubble cheeks so I could pull him up for a kiss, and he instantly complied bringing up one of his hands to grab the back of my head, the other one resting on my hip. Our lips eventually detached from each other, our foreheads resting together, I lifted my head to take a glimpse of this man that was making feel safe, adored and loved. I was greeted with a pair of stunning blue eyes filled with lust._

* * *

I felt my eyes slowly open, remembering fragments of my dream; my cheeks were still warm from it. What was that? Did I really just had a steamy dream about Killian _freaking_ Jones? I sighed deeply at that thought; I really didn't need this to confuse me even more.

As I was getting dressed to go join the girls for brunch, I kept rationalizing my dream. I mean, it has been a long time since I have been intimate, the last weeks that I was with Neal, he didn't even touched in that manner. Plus, I must've dreamt about him because of that kiss we shared, it meant nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I arrived earlier at our favourite breakfast restaurant, and I decided to go inside to save us a table, being Sunday it was bound to be busy. The second I crossed the door, I saw Mary Margaret sitting at a table waving frantically at me. Of course she was going to be there before us. I smiled and went to join her; she got up to greet me with a hug. We were catching up as we were waiting for Ruby, and as usual she arrived fashionably late (that's how she insisted us to say it). We finally placed our order and started to eat. The food was amazing; well anything tastes good if it wasn't my usual breakfast, toasts with peanut butter. While we were eating, Mary Margaret was talking about the ideas that she had for her wedding, the colors, the flowers, the guest list and so on.

When we finally finished our plates, we went to pay our bill and walked to the shop specialized in bridesmaid dresses. I ate so much that walking was the best idea ever.

We finally reached our destination, and Ruby and Mary Margaret were clearly more excited that I was for this; they each grabbed one of my arms to pull me inside the building. The shop was way to white and pink for my taste and it smelled like lilacs. The saleswoman came to greet us and asked us if we had a reservation. Once Mary Margaret confirmed, she led us to a room where we could try on some dresses and she brought us some champagne. That's more like it, I thought, it was going to make this experience more bearable. It isn't that I didn't like to be with my friends, but this whole wedding stuff wasn't my thing. I am happy to be Mary Margaret's made of honour, but dealing with all of this, not really my cup of tea. I sat down on one of the white couches that were in the room, and I poured my self a glass of champagne, waiting for the bride to be to show us the dresses that she handpicked beforehand.

Most of the dresses were okay, Ruby seemed to like them all except for one little detail, they weren't short enough. After viewing a dozen of dresses, Mary Margaret showed us a knee length red dress, accentuating the waist, with a low cut and wide shoulder straps. The dress was gorgeous, and seeing Ruby's face, I think that we have found our bridesmaid dresses. The saleswoman left the room to get the red dress in our sizes and we were left alone. Ruby who was too excited to sit down while they were showing us the dresses, finally decided to sit next to me, refilling our glasses. She than shifted so she could look at me. She had a huge grin on her face and I couldn't help myself but to feel on display.

"What?" I asked baffled.

"So Victor told me that you saw Killian Thursday." She said with a proud smile. I immediately felt my cheeks blush.

"Why would he say that?" I said in a defensive tone.

"Well, Thursday Victor went to see one of his friends band play, and Killian was supposedly there during the show, but he only went to join Victor and the guys long after the show ended. He didn't say nothing to Victor but he deduced by the way Killian was acting that he had spent time with you."

My mouth dropped a little but and my eyes briefly widen. Mary Margaret who was sitting on my other side, was watching our exchange finally caught up on the conversation.

"Wait, isn't Killian the guy who was at my engagement party? The guy with who you drank half a bottle of rum?"

"Uh… I… I …." I stammered trying to defend myself, but I quickly resigned, I don't stand a chance hiding anything from these two. I sighed and simply answered "yes."

"Is there something going on with you two?" Mary Margaret asked a little concerned.

"No!" I said raising my voice a notch, and way to quickly. I could see that neither of my friends believed me, both looking at me suspiciously.

"Were you with him the night of the show?" Inquired Ruby. There was no getting out of this, my shoulders slouched defeated, and I inhaled deeply before telling them what happened.

"Yes I was. I went to his bar after work and he has just finished his shift, he asked me if I wanted to come with him to the show, I really didn't want to stay alone so I went with him." I lifted my eyes to look at them; they both were staring at me with a look that encouraged me to continue. "During the interlude I went to bathroom, and coming out of there I saw Neal flirting with a girl. I was so upset that Killian offered to take me home and I invited him up, and we talked and he left afterwards. That's it." I tried not to look at them, not wanting to tell him how the evening really ended.

"There's something else you are not telling us." Finally said Ruby. "Don't forget that I know you too well Emma Swan. Spit it out." She ordered.

"I might've kissed him." I finally said in a low voice as I felt my face redden.

"What does it mean?" questioned the bride to be.

"Nothing!" I didn't know who I was trying to convince anymore, them or me.

"Why did you kiss him then? Was it because of Neal?"

"No, I just…I was feeling good. I felt like he understood me and it felt good to have someone be there for me, and I just needed to feel comforted and he was there."

There was a silence and I could see that they were both considering what I just told them. I really wanted to put an end to this interrogation and I couldn't wait for the saleswoman to come back. What is taking her so long!

"You know Emma, " said Mary Margaret breaking the silence. "I know that you close yourself up from pain because you're afraid of what might happen. And lately with everything that happened with Neal, you are more frightened. But the night from my engagement party, I never saw you laugh that way before, so carefree and happy. Maybe you should consider giving Killian a shot."

"I can't, he will end up abandoned me like every other guy that I open myself to." I could feel tears slowly blur my sight.

Mary Margaret rested an arm around me, pulling me in a hug. "Those wall of yours might keep out pain, but they can also keep out love." I rested my head on her shoulder, exhausted. "Think about it okay?"

I kept thinking that maybe she was right. I mean every time I'm around Killian I do feel a little happier, and he does seem to care about me, and he always there when I need someone. Maybe I could try seeing him again and see where this goes.


	11. Chapter 11

**_So. I finally finish writing this chapter. I'm sorry for the wait, I know it has been over a month since I've updated this fic, but I got carried away with other stories, and my muse got stuck after writing half of this chapter. Originally I had planned to write all of the weekend in one chapter, but I decided to split it in two chapters. Hopefully it won't take me too long to update, since I already know exactly what's going to happen in the next part. Thanks to my beta Nicki / oncertwice_**

**_You can read previous chapters Here._**

**_You can also read them on _**

**_So, I hope you guys like this update! Enjoy!_**

* * *

I shifted in my bed trying get in a more comfortable position, tucking a pillow between my arms. I opened my eyes slightly to take a look at the time. I saw that it was 9:45.

_Shit!_

David and Mary Margaret were going to be here in 10 minutes, and I still didn't pack my things. I jumped out of bed in a state of panic since I didn't hear my alarm go off and now I was running around my apartment, still in my pyjamas, trying to gather everything that I was going to need for the long weekend.

I didn't prepare my bag last night telling myself that I was going to wake early today to get prepared, and, of course, my alarm clock decides to stay mute.

Ruby had this great idea earlier this week, to all ask Friday off so we could go at Victor's family summer house to enjoy the nice hot weather we had lately. She kept saying that the place is amazing; there are plenty of rooms for us to stay, and it was at the border of a lake.

I seriously couldn't wait to get out of here for a few days since I've been working so much the last couple of weeks with everything that happened in my life, so when I asked Graham if I could have Friday off, he was more than happy to give it to me.

She also invited Mary Margaret and David, and Victor invited Killian.

I was pretty nervous at the idea of seeing Killian. I have been avoiding him for 3 weeks now, since our kiss. I still didn't know where I stood concerning my feelings for him. But after talking with Mary Margaret, I finally came to terms with the fact that I was attracted to him, but I wasn't sure I could let him in.

My break-up with Neal was still fresh and the pain still lingered. I just needed this weekend to go well, and make things clear with Killian so that he doesn't get any ideas about us. At least I didn't have to deal with him until I got there, since Ruby and Victor were giving him a lift and I was leaving with the soon-to-be-married couple.

I finally finished packing my stuff; I had my bathing suit, a towel, some clothes, underwear, hairbrush, toothbrush, and a book. I zipped my gym bag, and went to my room to get dressed. It was really hot today so I opted for a pair of jeans shorts, a grey tank top and my flip flops.

The second I finished putting on my clothes, my phone rang, and I saw the picture of Mary Margaret on my screen.

"Hi!"

"We're here. We are waiting for you in the car."

"Okay, I'll be right down!"

I hung up the phone, took my keys, my bag, and my purse and went to the door. I ran down the stairs and when I arrived outside I could see David waiting for me outside his car, back leaning on the back door. I greeted him slightly out of breath. David opened the trunk so I could drop my bags, and I went to sit in the backseat.

Victor's summer cottage was an hour and half away from the city and so Mary Margaret decided to plug her iPod to the car sound system so we could entertain ourselves with her usual summer playlist. We spent the first half hour catching up, talking about their upcoming wedding, which was only 3 months away already. After awhile the three of us remained silent, listening to the music.

When the song _Just like heaven_ from the Cure started playing, I couldn't help myself but hum the melody as I closed my eyes savouring the wind that came in bursting through the window, and enjoying the feel of it on my skin, cooling me down, since the heat was unbearable. I already felt so relaxed and was grateful for this extra day off, and I was looking forward to the rest of the weekend and enjoying my friends company. That is, until Mary Margaret decided to ask me about a certain dark-haired Irishman.

"So, are you nervous?" asked Mary Margaret as she contorted herself from the passenger seat so she could look at me.

"Nervous about what?" I turned my head away from the window and looked Mary Margaret with a confused expression.

"About Killian?"

"Why would she be nervous about him?" David looked briefly at Mary Margaret while driving, completely clueless about my current situation with Killian.

"Haven't you seen the way he acts around Emma? I mean he was completely infatuated by her at our engagement party." said Mary Margaret to her fiancée as if she was stating the most obvious fact in the world. My hands flew so I could hide my face. _Are we really doing this NOW? She really can't keep anything for herself, can she?_

"What? Did he make a pass at you?" David said in a protective voice, looking at me through the rear-view mirror with a look that said he was ready to kill.

"No he didn't, I did. And it was a mistake. And no, I'm not nervous. Can we please drop the subject now?" I looked at my friends with a stern look and they both nodded.

We spent the rest of the drive in silence, as I hid behind my sunglasses now thinking on what I should say to him when we are going to arrive there. I still didn't have a clue when David started to park the car in the entrance.

I decided that I should just stop worrying about it, and just see how things will go. Maybe he had already forgotten about what happened and me, and maybe it was for the best.

We got out of the car and a very excited Ruby greeted us, and dragged us inside leaving us almost no time to get our things from the trunk. We entered by the back entrance since it was closer to the parking space. The door led us into a small kitchen and a small bathroom.

Ruby stopped in front of the fridge, opened it, and we found it filled with beer bottles. "So this is the beer fridge." She said with huge smile.

"Were you afraid that we were going to miss alcohol this weekend?" I asked with a laugh.

"No, but we're just taking precautions." Ruby closed the door and started walking towards the door that led to the long hallway. Entering the corridor I could see three doors on the right and two on the left. We followed Ruby through it, and she stopped at the first closed door on the right and told us that that was Killian's room.

At the mention of his name, I felt my stomach clench, and all my bravado from earlier left and I only felt my nervousness course through my body. _Shit, he's really here._

I looked away from the door and saw Ruby pointing to the door next to his. "So Emma, this is going to be your room..." I glared at Ruby and saw that she had this mischievous smile, the one that said that she had planned this room arrangement. "And David and Mary Margaret this is going to be your room." She said as she pointed to the last room on the right. Ruby's room was facing the betrothed.

I looked around while Ruby showed the couple their room and saw that in front of my door, there was a big room with an L-shaped couch at the far end of it, with a big flat screen TV. There was also a big window with an amazing view of the lake and in the middle of the room, there was pool table. After assigning us our bedrooms for the weekend, Ruby resumed the tour of the house.

At the end of this long hallway where all the rooms are, there was the entrance on the right and a vast bathroom on the left. Next to the entrance was this immense kitchen with the dining room on the other side of it. Next to the kitchen door, there was the main living room, with another L-shaped couch, a wooden center table and a fireplace. Next to the couch there was a sliding glass door that showed the path to the deck, which had a gazebo on the right (_seriously?_) and a big green terrain.

Ruby dragged us outside, so we could greet the guys. "The guys went for a ride on the sea-doo earlier, I think they might be back."

We followed Ruby to the docks, and we scanned the horizon to see if they were nearby. We heard the sound of motor and water splashing, and suddenly two forms appeared in front of us.

When they arrived at the dock, they turned off the engine and they stored the watercraft at his designated place. The guys then walked towards us to greet us, and I could see Killian taking off his yellow life jacket as he strolled.

I felt myself blush and get jittery as I saw him only wearing his wet navy and white bathing suit, his torso bare exposing his chest hair that trailed down under his trunks, covering his lean muscles. My mouth went dry and I wondered how I was going to survive this weekend.

"Hey guys! You finally made it!" said Victor opening his arms wide, his way of greeting our little group.

Mary Margaret went in for a hug and David shook his hand and his dark haired friend. Killian stood beside Victor, nodding his head towards us, simply saying hello.

I tried avoiding those damned blue eyes, but I couldn't stop mine to get a glimpse at him, and I could sense that he was also trying to avoid mine.

_Great, this is going to be awkward._

* * *

She was finally here.

After our last encounter I decided to give her some space and let her come to me, since she was clearly affected with what happened and had a lot to sort out.

It took every ounce of restraint that I had not to seek her out and hoping she would.

After a week, I started to lose faith on that wish, and after the second week without any sign of her I lost all hope of her showing up, making the first steps.

_Who was I kidding? Of course she wouldn't. _

I was hoping that our kiss meant something to her; if it did she was clearly afraid of its implications. I was wondering if I should go and see her, talk to her, let her know that I haven't forgotten about her, that I don't intend on abandoning her like others have done so many times before, but something inside me kept me from doing so.

_The fear that if I keep insisting she will put back her walls higher, shutting herself from everybody._

Three weeks passed, I started thinking that maybe I was wasting my time on this lass, that she was clearly not interested. That same week, I went to have a drink with Victor and his girlfriend.

During the evening, Ruby asked me about Emma and my intentions towards her being the protective and caring friend that she was. I told her how I felt about her, my intentions and my doubts. She told me not to give up, that she was a tough nut to crack, but that she has a strong positive reaction to people who stand next to her no matter what happens.

That discussion gave me a little hope, and when Victor and Ruby invited me to his family summer house, I was more than happy to accept his invitation, knowing that Emma would be there.

Now here she was, standing on the docks with her friends waiting for us. She was even more beautiful that I remembered, her long wavy golden locks cascading on her shoulders, those long and beautiful creamy legs of hers that she was displaying with those jeans shorts.

As I walked towards her, I felt more and more anxious as to what I was going to say, how she was going to act around me. I greeted everybody with a quick nod, and I looked at her and saw that she was avoiding looking at me, which hurt even though I should have expected it.

Everybody went inside, David, Mary Margaret and Emma went to get settled in their respective rooms. Victor, Ruby and I went to sit on the chairs that were on the deck with a beer in hand waiting for the others to join us. I heard the sliding door open behind me and turned around, and saw Emma pass through it.

She walked by me and went to sit on the chair next to Ruby, which was far from me. I couldn't stop myself from looking at her. _Beautiful._ I was pulled out of my thoughts when the betrothed couple came to join us; we started to plan our weekend.

"So, what do you guys want to eat tonight?" asked Mary Margaret.

"We can grill something on the barbecue." Proposed Victor. Everybody agreed, and decided that the girls were going to the grocery shop buy some food for the weekend.

After the girls left, Victor got up and went to check if we had enough gas for the barbecue. David and I stayed seated and drank our beer.

"So I heard that you kissed Emma." Stated David as I took a sip of my beer and choked on it. After I was able to regain a little of my dignity, I turned to look at the fair-haired man, who was looking at me with a stern look.

"Even if I did, I don't think it's any of your concern, mate." I replied with a tight smile.

"Actually it is. Emma is family to me and I would do anything to protect her from any harm. So, is it true?"

I stared at him for a little while before answering him. "Yes. We did share a kiss. She initiated it and was the one to put a stop to it. "

"What are your intentions towards her?" David continued his interrogation as he leaned forward resting his forearms on his knees, holding his beer with both hands his gaze locked on mine.

"I have no intention on harming her if that's your concern. I like her a lot, and I don't intend on giving up on her if that's what preoccupies you. "

"Good. I'm still keeping an eye on you." He stated. David got up from his chair and walked towards the sliding doors. He stopped before entering, and shifted towards me. "Oh, and if you do hurt her, you will have to deal with me."

After he entered the house, I leaned back on my chair, taking a long sip of my beer. I was glad to see that Emma had somebody in her life that will do anything to protect her, even if she didn't want me in her life, since I didn't knew what she felt towards me, at least she had her friends who will never give up on her.

* * *

I was glad that the girls and I went to the grocery store while the guys stayed at the house. It gave me time to try and assess what I was going to do with Killian this weekend.

I talked with Ruby and Mary Margaret as we walked through the aisles, and they both told me the same thing, to just enjoy my weekend and let things run their course, and if something happens it will, and if it doesn't, well it just doesn't. More importantly, I should just do what I felt like doing and not pressure myself into something that I didn't want to do.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, and I didn't have any time alone with Killian, which was probably for the best. When we arrived back at the house I tried to follow their advice and go with the flow.

I stayed inside, cutting some vegetables for a salad and Ruby was preparing one of her famous sangria. Mary Margaret went outside with David to set the table, and Victor and Killian were in charge of the meat.

We ate outside, enjoying the warm weather, hearing the light waves of the lake that were caused by the gusts of wind, and we had the most beautiful sight in front us, the sun setting on the horizon.

The food was exquisite, and we stayed seated at the table long after we finished eating, enjoying our drinks. I couldn't help myself from looking at him occasionally.

He was sitting at the other side of the table next to Victor, far from me. I caught him having a glimpse at me a couple of times and I cast him a small smile to which he responded with one of his own.

As expected, Mary Margaret got tired of seeing all the dirty dishes lying on the table and decided to clean up. We helped her so the job could be done faster.

As we were cleaning up, it started to rain lightly, so we decided to head inside and the guys went to play some pool. I stayed behind with Mary Margaret as we put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, since I didn't want to wake up the next morning with a messy kitchen.

Ruby made another batch of her famous drink and went to join the guys.

"So how are you holding up? You know, with this Killian situation." Asked my short-haired friend as she started cleaning the kitchen counter.

"Good. I mean I haven't had time alone with him, and we barely talked to each other, so that helps." I leaned back on the counter next to Mary Margaret.

"Well that's a good start. You know, he can't keep his eyes off of you." I felt myself blush at her comment, remembering all the times I caught him looking at me during dinner.

"Yeah, I know, I saw him glancing at me during supper."

"I noticed, but I'm not only talking about supper, I mean everywhere you go, his eyes are following you. I think it's sweet—the fact that he literally can't keep his eyes off you. He really likes you." She looked at me with this look full of hope, hoping that I will finally open myself to him.

I know that she meant it when she said that I should take my time to sort things out, but I could also see that she was hoping that I would do it soon. I shifted uncomfortably as she kept looking at me, waiting for my reaction. I did what I did best when I felt uncomfortable and I deflected the subject.

"Anyways, let's go join the others." I walked out of the kitchen, with Mary Margaret behind me.

The rest of the evening went by with no further discussion about Killian, and I still hadn't had any time with him alone, which I was grateful. I tried not to look at him, knowing that I would catch him looking at me, and I didn't want him to get any ideas.

We played two games of pool, the teams being girls vs boys. We lost both times, since this game wasn't part of any of our skills. When our second match finished, I felt my eyelids go heavy since I haven't slept a lot previously and the fact that I was tipsy didn't help.

I decided to say goodnight to everybody, and Ruby was pouting because I was going to bed way too early. After I promised her that I was going to stay up later tomorrow night, I went to bed.

As I lay down on the bed, I stared at the ceiling and all I could think about was _him._

His longing gaze he given me, the way he smiled when I caught him in the act, the way he looked in his bathing suit, his lean muscles covered by a good amount of chest hair.

I couldn't deny the attraction I felt for him anymore—that's for sure, but I still was afraid of the implications of the attraction I had for him, and of the interest he had in me.

I knew that he liked me, he seemed to have noble intentions toward me, but I couldn't shake the fear of not being good enough and that he would grow tired of me and leave me.

I closed my eyes, and the last thing I saw before drifting to sleep was _him_.


End file.
